My Sister Is Pregnant

With #2.

She's 12 weeks already. How do people keep secrets for that long'?

Her kids will be 22 months apart. She had previously said she wasn't going to have a second until they moved to a bigger place than the apartment my parents gave to her for free. I guess that plan is out the window. Either that or she's going to get a new house before I do too.

I was really happy for her on the phone.

I am really happy for her.

I feel like crawling into a hole and dying.

And I'm mad at my husband because he has no idea why I'm upset.

I bought two New Baby books and sent them to my niece. I will try to be a good aunt and a good sister, even though I'm so jealous I can scream.

Cycle 5, Day 30. No ovulation detected.

Cycle 5, Day 23

Last night I was sure I got a positive ovulation predictor kit (opk), which would have sucked because I've only ever seen a (probably) positive test one time and my goddamn husband is out of town. Also because we had sex on cycle days 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and 18. But nothing for 4 means I'm probably shit outta luck. My husband offered to drive back for the night but I told him not to bother. After getting a positive opk you are supposed to ovulate within 12-36 hours. He'll be home tomorrow night.

Then this morning I took another test and it was negative. Or probably negative. I stared at it for half an hour. I sent a picture to my husband. I sent a picture to my friend. I uploaded the picture to an Internet message board. It's probably negative and the more I thought about it, the more I thought last night's was probably negative too.

Pretty much I hate these stupid tests. Why are they so hard to read? Even though I just bought 50 of them from Amazon I think I'm going to go out and get some digital tests. Sometimes more money = better. It would be good just to have a way to double check when I'm uncertain anyway.

The dentist asked me if I was pregnant today because six months ago at my last cleaning I didn't let her take x-rays, naively hoping I was pregnant and it was too early to test. And here I am, still not pregnant.

Shut Up, Pregnant Bloggers!

The great thing about having a blog (especially one that no one knows about in the real world) is that you have a place to just dump all the thoughts in your head that you can't say to anyone else out loud (or even on their blog). And the truth is, pregnant bloggers piss me off.

Not all of them. And no one linked in my sidebar so don't try to figure out the mystery of who I'm going to start bitching about.

Here are the blogs I read this morning:

The "OMG I can't believe we're pregnant!" blog. Blogger goes to the hospital for an unrelated health reason. Takes pregnancy test. "And I said, there is NO way I could be pregnant." Does not elaborate upon this statement by stating why she believes this to be true. Ends up pregnant. "What a total surprise!" What exactly is surprising that having unprotected sex results in pregnancy? Is still SO amazed by this experience that she copies and pastes the entire story on her birth month message board 5 weeks later.

The "I want my hot body back" blog. For real, this chick is cool. I like her. We used to be Internet friends. I never knew she was this shallow. She writes on and on about how when they told her she had gained 15 pounds she just stopped paying attention to the weight gain because she was too upset. Every post is about how huge and uncomfortable she is and how she just can't wait for her pregnancy to be over. I guess I just can't relate to that. This chick had a tough road getting pregnant so she really should know better.

The "God will provide" blog. I JUST found this blog today and boy it is something else. I'm not religious and okay maybe I'm just a tad judgmental of people who put their faith above common sense. This woman's blog prominently features a glam shot of her face. Okay, moving on. She had TWO oops pregnancies before marrying Baby Daddy #2. Then 14 months later came Baby #3. Decides to quit her job to be a SAHM. Then her husband gets laid off so she has to go back to work. Complains about this. Asks for prayers. Then gets knocked up again. Baby #4 on the way, to be born a mere 16 months after Baby #3. WTF dude? I thought you were broke.

Ok, I feel better now.

Written in the Stars or How I Wasted $5

Way back in early November I consulted an Internet Psychic reputed for her ability to predict when women would get pregnant. No really, I did. It was all the rage on The Bump forums and it was only $5. Within a couple of hours, I had my answer:

"Your reading reveals that your BFP news comes the month of March from a cycle that begins in February. The baby shows as a boy and his EDD/birth date is referenced the month of December 2012 -specific reference to the 5th and 11th. "

Of course, hearing in November that I still had four more months of trying ahead of me before I would become pregnant was a little disappointing. "Of course it will totally happen before then!" But in the back of my mind, March became the new deadline. Not pregnant in January? That's fine, the Internet pyshic says it won't happen until March.

And I'm having a boy! I've (not so) secretly always wanted only boys! Blue! No weddings to pay for! Boys are so less bitchy than girls! Last Christmas I tried to picture myself a year out holding my little boy on my lap. It made me smile.

It wasn't until I dug this old prediction up out of my email that I realized that it may have already been proven false. Since it is already February 7th today and I'm on the 8th day of my cycle, I would have to start my next cycle by the 29th of this month, meaning that this current cycle would be less than 30 days. Could it be so? Keep in mind my cycles have ranged from 27 days to 79 days.

Who knows? Here's hoping the pyschic is totally wrong and I will be pregnant by the end of February.

I'm totally normal. Sigh.

Way back in November on day 69 of my cycle I went to the OB to say "WTF where's my period?" She gave me an ultrasound and prescribed my Provera and told me to get blood drawn on day 3 of my next period.

And finally I have the results of that blood work back. She had told me it was "normal" but I had her mail it to me so I could see for myself what that means.

Yeah, it turns out, I'm totally normal. Here's what I know:

My Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) level was 5.0. Between 4.0 and 6.8 is considered "optimal fertility." So that's nice. In layman's terms, I think this means I produce a lot of follicles (which become eggs). Or something. I don't speak science.

My Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) level is 5.7. Anything under 9 means I have a satisfactory number of eggs still kicking around in my ovaries.

My Throxine (T4) level is 1.07, well within the normal range for a functioning thyroid.

My Luteinizing Hormone (LH) level is 6.7 which apparently means my ovaries are doing just fine, thankyouverymuch.

My Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) level is 1.890, which means (again!) that my thyroid is cool.

And finally, my Prolactin level, which I had previously had been told was low (or high? I can't remember now), was 8.2. This is apparently in the normal range but I can't really find anything that explains why this is important. WebMD sucks.

To tell you the truth, I was a little disappointed to see just how normal I was. I thought maybe I could find an imbalance, pop a pill and get this show on the road. Oh well.

Off to See The Wizard!

I have good news! Upon hearing my plan to try acupuncture and herbs to bring about a regular menstrual cycle, my husband did his own research and suggested I see a doctor instead.

Again.

To digress for a moment, I had a great acupuncture experience and I am very optimistic from the research I have done that it, combined with natural supplements, could help me ovulate on my own. But the combination of the price and the fact that it seemed I was trying to earn my degree in naturopathy all of a sudden had him leaning towards at least hearing what a professional had to say.

Although we are only just now entering our eighth month of trying to conceive, I don't know for sure that I ovulate. And my OBGYN is apparently unconcerned about that. So I said screw you lady and called up a reproductive endocrinologist. The appointment isn't until mid March but I'm so happy to have something to look forward to.

And, as a bonus, I receive a free acupuncture session just for becoming a patient. It's a very holistic practice so I think I'll be happy there.