10 Weeks, 2 Days: Moving On

When I started this blog I wasn't sure how long I'd be blogging because, surely, I'd be pregnant from my first medicated cycle.  Then I wasn't, and even though the fertility treatments sort of sucked and it felt like no one in my life could understand, I was happy to meet a great community of fellow infertility bloggers.  I'm so grateful to have had some understanding women along with me on my journey.

And now that I am pregnant I feel like my time here has come to an end for several reasons.  First, I have so little to say about pregnancy so far.  Luckily it's been a bit of a snoozefest.  Second, I have a bit of survivor's guilt knowing that most of my audience is filled of women trying so hard to get where I am so admitting point number one makes me feel even more guilty.

Third, and probably most importantly, I follow dozens of parenting and other blogs and unfortunately the name Pussy Parent is maybe not the most family friendly to use when commenting on other blogs.

And lastly, just knowing how I felt during the infertility journey, whenever I found a new blog I would start at the beginning and read all about someone else's cycles and whenever someone got a BFP I would keep reading a few entries to make sure everything was okay and then move onto another blog.  If you're new and reading this, I am pregnant from my first IVF cycle and if these words are still here, all is well.

So, I'm not leaving exactly but I am cautiously trying out a new blog. I don't want to link the name here because it contains personal photos and I want to limit my googlability but here is a picture with the name in it.  I hope you will follow me there.  Here it is:

Eight Weeks: Graduation!

I was a little on edge driving to the clinic this morning because my husband had turned to me in bed earlier and said "oh crap, your ultrasound is when?"

Men.  Seriously.  He was there when I scheduled it!  And it's the same exact appointment time as last week's.

"Don't panic." I told myself, "he's already seen the baby on the ultrasound twice and we heard the heartbeat so everything will be fine."

Then the little paranoid voice inside my head argued with the rational voice.  "But...you were measuring three days behind last time and three days is nearly half a week and a week behind is BAD.  Plus you don't even feel pregnant."

I get to the office and it's the typical crowded masses I've gotten used to at this Monday appointment time.  Back when I used to go at 8:30 it was a lot less crowded but at 10 it's packed to the brim.  And a lot of people looked really stressed, staring into their phone or looking down at their shoes.  It reminded me of the line that Jack Nicholas says in the waiting room of his therapist's office:

"What if this is as good as it gets?

On the one hand, I wanted to distance myself from anxious fertility patient and enter my new role of happy pregnant patient but I was nervous too, hoping that the little bean I had seen the past two weeks would still be greeting me on the screen and that the drive home wouldn't be traumatic.

Just then a woman walks in with not one, not two, but THREE children.  Holy crap!  I had defended women who bring children to the fertility clinic on message boards before, but OMG three.  One was barely three years old, one was about 18 months and one was maybe nine months.  Yes the math doesn't work out but the two older kids were calling her Mom so they must all be hers.  And no, sadly, they did not sit quietly like little cherubs.  Maybe she's an egg donor? I know I shouldn't judge, but damn, that was not what the room needed this morning.

Getting back to the important part of the story, everything went great with the ultrasound!  The pregnancy is measuring 7 weeks, 6 days so we caught up two days!  I graduated from the fertility clinic (see ya!) and they even gave me a free Baby Bargains book.  Maybe this is really happening!  I still feel great (knock on wood) and I'm three pounds below my pre-IVF weight, 9 pounds below post-IVF weight.