Cycle 5, Day 1

I have this packet of information I got from my acupuncturist about Natural Fertility and Conception. It outlines what you should know and do at each stage of your menstrual cycle. Interestingly enough, it notes:

In ancient cultures of all types, menstruation was a time for women to rest and not have to deal with society. It was a cleansing time, cherished and honored. Take back some of your red tent ritual!

I knew of the book The Red Tent as it's been suggested to me by my mother, but I have yet to read it. Curious about what a red tent ritual entails I consulted wikipedia and found that the tent is where women take refuge during time of menstruation or birth where women can offer each other mutual support.

Coincidentally I do have two women-centered events scheduled for tonight, namely a book club meeting and a charitable group meeting. Unfortunately I don't think I'll be speaking about my menses at either one. A break from society, however, does sound nice right about now.

Cycle 4, Day 38

Wake up, pee in cup just cuz it's been a couple of days and they're only eight cents a piece.

Wipe reveals light red spotting.

Well that's good, I think. At least this stupid cycle is over. Put away the test. Take pad to work in my pocketbook for the inevitable.

Get to work. Times passes. No more spotting. This is odd considering my period almost always comes first thing in the morning.

Spend a serious length of time reading about people who spotted before getting a BFP. Hmm.

Probably nothing to get excited about and I'll get my full blown period tomorrow. Just another example how much of a mindfuck this whole process is.

Cycle 4, Day 33

I didn't even test. I don't care. Whatever.

Yesterday was BFN and a negative opk just for shits and giggles.

Cycle 4, Day 31

BFN

Cramps

General state of malaise

Cycle 4, Day 28

I actually forgot to take a pregnancy test this morning. Does this mean I'll be the kind of mother who forgets their kids at an amusement park?

Anyway, they tell you you should always test with first morning urine because it has the highest concentration of hCG, the pregnancy hormone. You can recreate the effect of first morning urine by holding your pee for four hours but OMG, I can't do that.

Besides, I'm probably not pregnant since my stupid chart doesn't show ovulation anymore.

But I tested anyway this afternoon with a plastic cup I smuggled into the bathroom at work. I used the handicapped stall so I had some privacy. BFN.

Looks like I can drink this weekend.

Cycle 4, Day 27

Fertility Friend took away my crosshairs today. In layman's terms, that means the software can no longer confirm ovulation due to my inconsistent tempuratures. Woe is me.

So I went from being days away from finding out if I'm pregnant or not, to not even knowing if I ovulated.

But, just to be sure, I tested today. BFN.

Now I still think I may have a chance, owing to our intercourse timing, based on other fertile signs but who the heck knows at this point.

Statistics That Are Meaningless

I am 9 days past ovulation.

Fertility Friend says that 15% of positive pregnancy tests reported by their users are reported on or before 9 days past ovulation.

If you want to analyze your results even further, they have graphs broken down by brand of pregnancy test and how many days past ovulation they were taken.

Did you know that 17% of pregnancy charts report a negative test being taken before a positive test? That statistic could either give you hope that your negative test result will turn positive or convince you that there are a bunch of smug women out there who were content to wait for their test results.

Fertility Friend even has a more detailed study about pregnancy tests in which they report:

Testing for pregnancy when trying to conceive is a sensitive issue. The
emotional toll of repeated negative results is hard to imagine for those who
have not experienced it. At the same time, waiting throughout the luteal phase
to know the outcome of your cycle can be agony. For these reasons, knowing when
to expect reliable results is extremely important, both to preserve your
emotional state and to save money by not testing too early.

The statement about money is completely irrelevant to me because I have 50 Wondfo Pregnancy Test Strips purchased for apprximately 19 cents a pop. It may, however, be too late to preserve my sanity.

I tested this morning. Big Fat Negative (BFN).

Did you know there are entire web sites out there to looking at other people's pregnancy tests and determining whether or not you can actually see a line? No? You must be a sane person.

There's no room for you here.