Don't Feed After Midnight

The past two days I've tried (and failed) to get the rest of the blood work I need done. Saturday morning I woke up and leisurely checked my email and goofed around online before driving the short distance to the lab. It's my fault, of course, that I didn't read the paperwork before then. I knew I had to fast before going in but I didn't read the part that said I had to have the blood work done by 11 a.m.

So I show up at the lab at around 10:40 and it is a mad house. But I hoped they would see the "must see by 11 a.m." note on my paperwork and scoot me in soon. Wrong. They told me to kick rocks because they don't run "stat" labs at this place. Told me I had to go to the hospital.

I decided not to try and race to the hospital because I probably wouldn't make it by 11. I proceeded to go to the St. Patrick's Day parade and have a good time. I made it an early night because I wanted to be rested and wake up early to find the right lab and get the blood work done this morning. Also I have to fast after midnight.

So I navigate the parking complex of a local hospital and find the outpatient lab and take a number. Except no one ever shows up. Despite what their web site proclaims, the lab is closed on Sundays. I give up and go home.

Thus tomorrow I will try for a third time to get my blood drawn. This means waking up super early because I also have to wash my hair tomorrow. I am NOT a morning person. Wish me luck.

Thinking about Sperm!

DH is in Europe partying with the boys since we have no kids and plenty of disposable income. But the day after he comes back he has to go to the RE's office to do a Sperm Analysis. So after 8 days of no sex he has to abstain the night he gets back too. Womp womp.

I told him he has to find a way to ejaculate three days before coming home in order to produce the best sample. I have no idea how he's going to do that as he is sharing a room with another dude and he barely has enough alone time to call me for more than ten minutes here and there. Not that it's really my problem. If I can go through all these tests and procedures then he most certainly can find a chance to masturbate.

But let's talk about sperm for a minute. In all my research about getting pregnant I've never really looked into sperm issues at all. Every now and then I'll come across a blogger facing male factor infertility and will think how hard that must be but beyond that I have no knowledge. To be honest, until a few years ago I didn't know what the difference was between sperm and semen. I still am not sure I understand. Semen contains sperm. What else does it contain?

Also, since they never gave me the sample cup at my visit, DH has to go to "The Room" and make his deposit. I'm so curious about this. What is the room like? Will he be able to perform? Will a diet of fast food and booze for a week impact his sample?

I'm not really prepared for him to have an abnormal sample. I know that sounds hypocritical because I have fertility issues but I'm just not ready for him to have them too. It just seems too insurmountable right now.

Next Wednesday can't come fast enough.

I Have PCOS...and a Plan!

So. much. information. at my first appointment with the R.E. yesterday. Frankly I'm still digesting it and doing a little research.

First thing first, I have PCOS! Maybe. Probably. At least that's what he's saying I have even though my labs will probably come back normal like last time and I don't appear to have any cycsts. PCOS is basically a catchall diagnosis and since I have irregular cycles now with heavy bleeding, unwanted weight gain since going off the pill and excessive facial hair he thinks it fits. Also the whole not getting pregnant thing.

Next, when discussing my options he didn't even mention timed intercourse. I had to stop him and say "but what about timed intercourse?" He wants to move straight to IUI.

When I first heard that I was all.



What do you mean I have to have sex with a catheter instead of my husband? It freaked me out a little bit. In fact I made the insurance coordinator swear to me that they had never given anyone the wrong sperm. She laughed and said they only do one insemination at a time and they mark the cup with your Social Security Number or something.

He also wants me on Clomid (I expected this) and maybe even a trigger shot. But the trigger increases my chances of multiples to 30%. OMG mutiples! I started freaking out again.

But now, a day later and after I got to talk to DH (who is out of town) I am feeling good. It's a plan. It's a good place to start.





I still have oodles more tests in the works - HSG, SHG, SA, PCO panel, etc. etc.

But I have a good doctor. And I have hope.

Remember to Smile!

I was all set to write a post about how my family is a bunch of asshole and the world is conspiring against me, but then I decided that I was going to choose to be positive instead.

And so here is a picture of a smiling cat (not mine - although one of mine does smile in his sleep, just like my DH).

Tomorrow is my first appointment with the reproductive endocronologist. I'm going to go into it very positive and optimistic about the future. I hope that helps.

Smile!

Six More Months of Ferility Friend

In five short days, I will be off to my first appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist and I not-so-secretly want him to tell me to stop charting.

I. Hate. Charting.

I mean, not only do I like to hit snooze for the first ten (okay twenty) minutes after I wake up, my friggen thermometer gags me every morning. I am a mouth breather (yes really!) and I can't breathe with that thing in my mouth for two whole minutes. And yes, I actually did buy a new thermometer that doesn't take a million years to finish but it's gone missing. I think one of the cats stole it. He's a klepto.

Then there's the whole problem of my chart just being so erratic and useless that according to my Ferility Enemy, I'm not ovulating and therefore just wasting my time by plotting all of my temps, symptoms, sex, etc. Who needs a reminder every morning (as soon as they wake up to face the day!) that they are messed up. No biphasic pattern for me!

And yes, I have read that mouth breathing may screw up my tempuratures. I thought about temping vaginally but haven't tried it yet. I really don't want to. As if not getting pregnant was annoying enough, now I have to poke myself in the vagina every morning? Not for me.

As much as I hate charting, when I got the notice that my Fertility Friend VIP membership was expiring in four days, I went ahead and bought six more months of VIP status. For a bunch of reasons, chief of which is even though FF is free, I wanted the VIP features. I'm an elitist snob.

To make matters worse, I was totally out of "Fun Money" and therefore had to charge it on my joint account. If DH calls me out of the $25 though I'm just going to kick him in the nuts. Trust me, charting is not fun!

Mark my words, if I'm not pregnant by September 13th I am breaking up with you, Fertility Friend.

The good news is, as of ten minutes ago, I learned how to take a screenshot with my iphone so that I could bring you my Chart of Fail in the upper left hand corner of this post.

Spotted: The Internet Message Board Phenomenon

I sometimes post but mostly lurk on a bunch of different internet message boards relating to trying to conceive. I do get a lot of good information from these boards and get to interact with some kindred spirits, but for the most part, they can be infuriating. From the trollers who post constant "omg my boobs hurt, am I pregnant?" to the old timers who thinks no one is allowed to be discouraged about their efforts to get pregnant if they haven't undergone as much turmoil as them.

After a month of lurking, I guarantee you have seen every single post you will ever see so much so that not only do you feel like a friggen Doctor of Medicine, your days start to feel like Ground hog's Day. Some people are in the two week window and freaking out! Some people got their BFP and were SO shocked! How can they tell their husband in a cute way? Ad infinitem.

But today, something happened that actually surprised me. A girl had posted that she was going to the doctor to talk about why she hadn't gotten her period in 70 days when every single stick she peed on said she wasn't pregnant. Now, this is something that happens a lot. Shit, it's happened TO ME. Usually you get a script for Provera and sent on your way.

Not this girl though. She showed up at her doctor and was given a pee test. Bam. Pregnant.

She is the luckiest girl in the universe. What's even better if she didn't even know she was pregnant for the past who knows how long, five weeks maybe. So she gets to magically skip the first month of freaking out.*

Girl on the Internet, you give me hope.

*Okay, for real, I guess I would be scared to not have known I was pregnant for a month, especially if I were hitting the crack pipe, but here's hoping everything is okay.

Thinking about the psychic....again

So since the time I wrote the post about my psychic prediction I received back in November I realized that I was wrong. It actually would be possible to get a BFP on a cycle that started in February if (and this is a big IF) I get a BFP on this cycle.

So while this is highly unlikely to happen, it's not impossible. Right? I mean, right?

Except....

I've taken two pregnancy tests in the past four days and they've all been BFN.

I had a huge temp dip today.

I haven't had sex in 11 days(!).

It doesn't even look like I ovulated.

I have twenty six days before I write an angry letter to an Internet pyshic.

Cycle 5, Day 35