Saturday, March 31, 2012

How I Talked Myself Out of a Thousand Dollar Stroller

Okay, first off, not pregnant. Nobody panic. But after taking my very first Clomid pill last night in anticipation of my first (and hopefully last!) IUI I got a little excited about the possibility of an actual New Year's baby. So the solution to this, of course, was to create a hypothetical baby registry on Buy Buy Baby. You know, for fun. And because I am crazy.

Then I saw it. It was so beautiful. It was the stroller to rival every other stroller known to woman. It was $1049.

I am talking about the Stokke Xplory Stroller. You can get it for the bargain price of $899 right now on Amazon if you want purple. But I don't want purple. I want blue. Duh!

The reviews and product description were very compelling. Why would you want your baby so close to the ground? Don't you want to pull them right up to the table at an outdoor cafe? Don't you want to interact with your baby while you're walking down the street, showing them the sights? Don't you want to bond? Don't you love your baby?

Delighted moms and dads chimed in on Amazon that they were SO NOT the thousand dollar stroller people but they were so glad they bought this particular thousand dollar stroller because of all its advantages. I pictured myself walking miles a day with my New Year's baby, a boy named Benjamin or Maxwell. Who will probably grow up to be president.

I devised a plan where I squirreled money away for a few months secretly and then have the stroller delivered one day while my husband wasn't home, later convincing him I had found it at a yard sale for a steal. "Practically giving it away," I would swear. I imagined other mothers stopping me in the street and asking me about my stroller and me saying "Why thank you. Yes it was made in Norway."

Luckily the high only lasted a little while before I came to my senses and realized how unbelievably cold it was going to be in January. And oh yeah, I don't like walking for miles. Not to mention what the hell am I going to do with the baby if they fall asleep in their car seat? Pay more money for the car seat adapter? Oh hell no! Am I on drugs? Yes, I am, but that's a different story.

Seriously, if I want to bond with the baby I fully intend on using a Moby wrap. Which I then registered for. Much cheaper.

This hypothetical shopping trip brought to you by Clomid.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!

You know what this process of trying to get pregnant has made me really good at? Math. As in counting out nine months. When my sister told me she was pregnant and due on September 10th I immediately asked myself if she had been drinking on Christmas. Then I did the math and thought, wow, she must have found out the week between Christmas and New Year's. How joyous that must have been. For her.

And no, I'm still not over it. Anyone with sisters should know what I'm talking about. Our relationship is a deeply complicated thing. Not to mention the fact that we share parents, look similar, got married at almost the exact same age (30 years, 7 months for me and 30 years, 9 months for her). Why does her body work and not mine?

When I first started trying to get pregnant I was so excited that my baby would be born in April. Then it was May, then June, then you get the point. Eventually I realized the chances of having a baby born in 2012 were dwindling. And now, due to this handy online due date calculator I know that they are gone. Well, maybe if the baby came early but most likely gone.

This information will be of particular interest to my husband as we send the check to the Tax Man this week. We withhold at the maximum rate and still owe taxes again this year. No 2012 deduction for us. Sigh.

But I'm going in on Friday for my baseline ultrasound. Even though today is CD 58 I pretended like it was CD1 and plugged in the info in the due date calendar. Immediately it said "Congratulations, you are due on January 2, 2013!" This date was exciting for two reasons:

1. It falls into the very narrow gap of being in 2013 but before my 33rd birthday on January 9th. It sounds dumb but beating that milestone would make me feel better.

2. I stand a darn good chance of the baby coming a day early and being the first baby born in 2013. Maybe we'll be on the news! And how awesome would it be to have a birthday on New Year's? There would always be a party to go to!

3. I'm born in January. January is a great month to be born. You're the oldest kid in your class so you can get your learner's permit first (not license though, that one took a while, lol), buy beer first, etc.

And I know that thinking like this is probably not good for me but I'm trying to be positive. Hitting milestones sucks.

Come on January.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The R.E. v. Every Other Doctor In The World

I seriously love my R.E.'s office. They are so nice and accommodating. I can access all of my patient information, lab results, schedule, etc. right on their web site. I thought I would give you a side by side comparison of how I've been treated thus far by this office as opposed to my other doctors.

At the General Practitioner

Pussy Parent: I would like to schedule a physical.
General Practitioner's Office: What for?
Pussy Parent: Because I haven't had one since college and I would like one.
General Practitioner's Office: Okay, you can come in three months from now at 2 in the afternoon?
Pussy Parent: Do you have anything early in the morning or later in the afternoon. I work 9-5.
General Practitioner's Office: No, those time slots are not available for physicals.

and another time

Pussy Parent: I'm having very severe abdominal pain that has lasted two weeks.
General Practitioner's Office: Go get this very scary abdominal cat scan and then I'll never call you and tell you the results.

and yet another time

Pussy Parent: Hello, I would like to schedule my flu shot.
General Practitioner's Office: Ok, how about this really inconvenient time?
Pussy Parent: Fine. Can my husband come in with me? We just got married so he has been added to my insurance.
General Practitioner's Office: We aren't accepting new patients at this time.
Pussy Parent: But can he just get the shot?
General Practitioner's Office: No.

and then

At the Gynecologists

Pussy Parent: I would like to schedule my annual.
Gyn Office: Okay, how about this day at this very inconvenient time. Come and sign in and you'll wait at least an hour for your appointment even though you were on time.*
Pussy Parent: Can't wait!

*I added the asterisk because many people assume that the reason they have to wait so long to be seen at their annual is because their doctor is off delivering a baby. I can safely say that's not the case because my doctor only handles the GYN side of things.

compared to

At the R.E.'s Office

R.E. Nurse: Hi, we are just calling to see if you had any questions.
Pussy Parent: You're calling me?! Questions.
R.E. Nurse: Question answered. When would you like to schedule your appointment?
Pussy Parent: Gulp. Do you have anything available for this Friday?
R.E. Nurse: Sure, when would you like to come in?
Pussy Parent: How about 9?
R.E. Nurse: I've got 9, 9:15, 9:30, which do you want?
Pussy Parent: /dies

If only they could treat all my medical problems. I love them so far.

Plus my drugs came today! I go in this Friday for a baseline ultrasound (on Day 60, crazy!) and will hopefully get the green light to start the Clomid.

The Crinone, on the other hand, scares the ever loving crap out of me.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Thoughts on Cycle Day 56

I searched Google for images associated with the word "waiting" and this picture of a bear sitting on a picnic bench was too perfect not to share. I hope someone brings that bear his picnic soon.

And here I am, still waiting to end Cycle 5. It's day 56. And I know to some people reading this blog 5 cycles seems like nothing. I don't want to seem totally impatient but I've waited nine months to have some feeling that my body was actually going to cooperate with me and it seemed like the last two cycles were getting shorter (26 and 38 respectively), so this is just frustrating.

I have a bottle of Provera waiting for me at home but my RE's office told me that I didn't need to take it yet. As of last week they wanted to see my blood test results and then have me come in for a baseline ultrasound and maybe start Clomid without even waiting for my period because it's clear I haven't ovulated this cycle.

My drugs will be here tomorrow via Fed Ex. Only $45 for the Clomid, Crinone gel and HCG trigger shot. Thank God for great insurance! On the one hand, I really hope the results come in soon and they schedule my appointment ASAP. On the other hand, I have a busy week at work and have been stranded without a car as my husband is taking our only car out of town tonight until Thursday.

Thus I am just waiting and hoping. There's always the small chance that we made a baby the "natural" way, right? The goddamn psychic has 5 more days to earn her $5.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Infertility Memoirs - A List In Progress

When I set out on my mission to compile a list of fiction novels about trying to conceive I came across a TON of personal memoirs by women who had faced infertility. I admit that I avoided them. I was more interested in reading a novel that followed the standard Chick Lit design, i.e. a quirky protagonist, amusing background characters, clear conflict arch and resolution. And, to be totally honest, a happy ending.

I'm still searching for books like that. I'm even pondering writing my own! But since I keep coming across these memoirs I felt it would be helpful to create a list for people that would enjoy reading them. I admit I've only read one and it was by accident (thought it was a novel!).

I'm not sure how many of these memoirs I will read. But then again, I'm not sure how long I'll be on this journey either. This is a list in progress.

Pink for a Girl by Isla McGuckin

The Inadequate Conception: From Barry White to Blastocytes: What Your Mother Didn't Tell You About Getting Pregnant by Lori Green LeRoy

Every Drunken Teenager: Why Not Me? by Kristine Ireland Waits

Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss

So Close: Infertile and Addicted to Hope

Waiting for Daisy: A Tale of Two Continents, Three Religions, Five Infertility Doctors, an Oscar, an Atomic Bomb, a Romantic Night, and One Woman's Quest to Become a Mother

The Empty Picture Frame: An Inconceivable Journey Through Infertility

I'm Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Book Review: Bumped by Megan McCafferty

I'm very excited that ICLW has brought some readers to my blog that have expressed interest in my list of books about trying to conceive. It gives me the encouragement I need to actually post reviews of the books I've read in the past two months or so. I also want to get to work on a list of books about pregnancy since I've come across SO many of those in my quest. Stay tuned.

Despite some dismal reviews I knew I wanted to read Bumped for several reasons. First, I had just read Margaret Atwood's seminal novel, The Handmaid's Tale (which I will review soon) with my book club and so the idea of a world in the not too distant future where a select group of women serve as surrogates for the majority of the population who have been rendered infertile was fresh on my mind.

Second, I admit, but I will pretty much read any Young Adult dystopian novels I can get my hands on. Ever since The Hunger Games came out, the genre has overtaken Chick Lit as my literary guilty pleasure. And they're ALL trilogies now so as soon as you finish the first book and realize the second book hasn't even come out yet you search desperately for a new series to read to keep you entertained in the mean time. Or is that just me?

Anyway, I will tell you this about Bumped so if you do decide to read it you will not pull your hair out. It is a parody. If you already are interested in the dystopian genre it will make it easier to appreciate, but essentially it is not meant to be taken seriously or analyzed at dinner parties. It is pure enjoyment meant for a target audience of 15 year old girls who probably don't appreciate how brilliant it is. That being said, the prose itself still may drive you crazy. Terms like "preggy," "neggy," "breedy," etc. are abound in the fictional world of Bumped, where most people are afflicted with a virus which means they cannot conceive after the age of eighteen.

The story features Melody Mayflower who, at 16, is a pioneer in the world of teen surrogacy for profit. Having inked a very lucrative deal with adoptive parents in her tweens, Melody awaits the day where she will be matched with a "stud" in order to get pregnant. The wait is longer than expected and in the mean time all the girls at school get pregnant and Melody deals with jealousy and self-doubt. Meanwhile teen pregnancy is glorified and young girls go around wearing fake bumps exclaiming "my extra thirty is so flirty!"

Enter Melody's identical twin sister that she never knew about, Harmony. Harmony has been raised in a religious community that shuns surrogacy or "pregging for profit" (yes, really that's what it's called) but longs to meet her twin. Also there's some boys. I mean, there has to be boys, right? It's a Young Adult novel! Chaos ensues.

As much as I wanted my brain cells back after reading Bumped, it did keep me entertained. It will probably be a funny movie one of these days. And I admit, I'll read the sequel because I am a sucker. I recommend browsing the first chapter before buying lest you decide too late you don't want to go down this rabbit hole.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Welcome IComLeavWe!

Welcome to all participants of IComLeavWe!

First of all, I don't have a blogging name for myself. I'm thinking on it. Any ideas? Cat Mom? That's a little corny.

My blog is pretty new. I started it because I wanted to find a comprehensive list of fiction books that featured a character trying to conceive. That's still a work in progress. Then I figured I would talk about my own journey while I was at it.

I am recently diagnosed with PCOS and I'm trying to get pregnant. As soon as AF shows up we're going to start my first monitored cycle.

But enough about that stuff. Tell me about you! I admit I've checked out almost all of the participants in this month's list but if you don't mind, can you answer a few basic questions for me to get this party started?

1. What's your (blog) name? Your partners?

2. Baby boy name you like? Baby girl?

3. Favorite book you've read?

4. Are you city or country or somewhere in between?

5. If you had $200 and had to spend it right away, what would you do with it? And don't say anything boring like pay bills!

I'm looking forward to getting to know you!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Don't Feed After Midnight

The past two days I've tried (and failed) to get the rest of the blood work I need done. Saturday morning I woke up and leisurely checked my email and goofed around online before driving the short distance to the lab. It's my fault, of course, that I didn't read the paperwork before then. I knew I had to fast before going in but I didn't read the part that said I had to have the blood work done by 11 a.m.

So I show up at the lab at around 10:40 and it is a mad house. But I hoped they would see the "must see by 11 a.m." note on my paperwork and scoot me in soon. Wrong. They told me to kick rocks because they don't run "stat" labs at this place. Told me I had to go to the hospital.

I decided not to try and race to the hospital because I probably wouldn't make it by 11. I proceeded to go to the St. Patrick's Day parade and have a good time. I made it an early night because I wanted to be rested and wake up early to find the right lab and get the blood work done this morning. Also I have to fast after midnight.

So I navigate the parking complex of a local hospital and find the outpatient lab and take a number. Except no one ever shows up. Despite what their web site proclaims, the lab is closed on Sundays. I give up and go home.

Thus tomorrow I will try for a third time to get my blood drawn. This means waking up super early because I also have to wash my hair tomorrow. I am NOT a morning person. Wish me luck.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Thinking about Sperm!

DH is in Europe partying with the boys since we have no kids and plenty of disposable income. But the day after he comes back he has to go to the RE's office to do a Sperm Analysis. So after 8 days of no sex he has to abstain the night he gets back too. Womp womp.

I told him he has to find a way to ejaculate three days before coming home in order to produce the best sample. I have no idea how he's going to do that as he is sharing a room with another dude and he barely has enough alone time to call me for more than ten minutes here and there. Not that it's really my problem. If I can go through all these tests and procedures then he most certainly can find a chance to masturbate.

But let's talk about sperm for a minute. In all my research about getting pregnant I've never really looked into sperm issues at all. Every now and then I'll come across a blogger facing male factor infertility and will think how hard that must be but beyond that I have no knowledge. To be honest, until a few years ago I didn't know what the difference was between sperm and semen. I still am not sure I understand. Semen contains sperm. What else does it contain?

Also, since they never gave me the sample cup at my visit, DH has to go to "The Room" and make his deposit. I'm so curious about this. What is the room like? Will he be able to perform? Will a diet of fast food and booze for a week impact his sample?

I'm not really prepared for him to have an abnormal sample. I know that sounds hypocritical because I have fertility issues but I'm just not ready for him to have them too. It just seems too insurmountable right now.

Next Wednesday can't come fast enough.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I Have PCOS...and a Plan!

So. much. information. at my first appointment with the R.E. yesterday. Frankly I'm still digesting it and doing a little research.

First thing first, I have PCOS! Maybe. Probably. At least that's what he's saying I have even though my labs will probably come back normal like last time and I don't appear to have any cycsts. PCOS is basically a catchall diagnosis and since I have irregular cycles now with heavy bleeding, unwanted weight gain since going off the pill and excessive facial hair he thinks it fits. Also the whole not getting pregnant thing.

Next, when discussing my options he didn't even mention timed intercourse. I had to stop him and say "but what about timed intercourse?" He wants to move straight to IUI.

When I first heard that I was all.

What do you mean I have to have sex with a catheter instead of my husband? It freaked me out a little bit. In fact I made the insurance coordinator swear to me that they had never given anyone the wrong sperm. She laughed and said they only do one insemination at a time and they mark the cup with your Social Security Number or something.

He also wants me on Clomid (I expected this) and maybe even a trigger shot. But the trigger increases my chances of multiples to 30%. OMG mutiples! I started freaking out again.

But now, a day later and after I got to talk to DH (who is out of town) I am feeling good. It's a plan. It's a good place to start.

I still have oodles more tests in the works - HSG, SHG, SA, PCO panel, etc. etc.

But I have a good doctor. And I have hope.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Remember to Smile!

I was all set to write a post about how my family is a bunch of asshole and the world is conspiring against me, but then I decided that I was going to choose to be positive instead.

And so here is a picture of a smiling cat (not mine - although one of mine does smile in his sleep, just like my DH).

Tomorrow is my first appointment with the reproductive endocronologist. I'm going to go into it very positive and optimistic about the future. I hope that helps.


Friday, March 9, 2012

Six More Months of Ferility Friend

In five short days, I will be off to my first appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist and I not-so-secretly want him to tell me to stop charting.

I. Hate. Charting.

I mean, not only do I like to hit snooze for the first ten (okay twenty) minutes after I wake up, my friggen thermometer gags me every morning. I am a mouth breather (yes really!) and I can't breathe with that thing in my mouth for two whole minutes. And yes, I actually did buy a new thermometer that doesn't take a million years to finish but it's gone missing. I think one of the cats stole it. He's a klepto.

Then there's the whole problem of my chart just being so erratic and useless that according to my Ferility Enemy, I'm not ovulating and therefore just wasting my time by plotting all of my temps, symptoms, sex, etc. Who needs a reminder every morning (as soon as they wake up to face the day!) that they are messed up. No biphasic pattern for me!

And yes, I have read that mouth breathing may screw up my tempuratures. I thought about temping vaginally but haven't tried it yet. I really don't want to. As if not getting pregnant was annoying enough, now I have to poke myself in the vagina every morning? Not for me.

As much as I hate charting, when I got the notice that my Fertility Friend VIP membership was expiring in four days, I went ahead and bought six more months of VIP status. For a bunch of reasons, chief of which is even though FF is free, I wanted the VIP features. I'm an elitist snob.
To make matters worse, I was totally out of "Fun Money" and therefore had to charge it on my joint account. If DH calls me out of the $25 though I'm just going to kick him in the nuts. Trust me, charting is not fun!

Mark my words, if I'm not pregnant by September 13th I am breaking up with you, Fertility Friend.

The good news is, as of ten minutes ago, I learned how to take a screenshot with my iphone so that I could bring you my Chart of Fail in the upper left hand corner of this post.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Spotted: The Internet Message Board Phenomenon

I sometimes post but mostly lurk on a bunch of different internet message boards relating to trying to conceive. I do get a lot of good information from these boards and get to interact with some kindred spirits, but for the most part, they can be infuriating. From the trollers who post constant "omg my boobs hurt, am I pregnant?" to the old timers who thinks no one is allowed to be discouraged about their efforts to get pregnant if they haven't undergone as much turmoil as them.

After a month of lurking, I guarantee you have seen every single post you will ever see so much so that not only do you feel like a friggen Doctor of Medicine, your days start to feel like Ground hog's Day. Some people are in the two week window and freaking out! Some people got their BFP and were SO shocked! How can they tell their husband in a cute way? Ad infinitem.

But today, something happened that actually surprised me. A girl had posted that she was going to the doctor to talk about why she hadn't gotten her period in 70 days when every single stick she peed on said she wasn't pregnant. Now, this is something that happens a lot. Shit, it's happened TO ME. Usually you get a script for Provera and sent on your way.

Not this girl though. She showed up at her doctor and was given a pee test. Bam. Pregnant.

She is the luckiest girl in the universe. What's even better if she didn't even know she was pregnant for the past who knows how long, five weeks maybe. So she gets to magically skip the first month of freaking out.*

Girl on the Internet, you give me hope.

*Okay, for real, I guess I would be scared to not have known I was pregnant for a month, especially if I were hitting the crack pipe, but here's hoping everything is okay.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Thinking about the psychic....again

So since the time I wrote the post about my psychic prediction I received back in November I realized that I was wrong. It actually would be possible to get a BFP on a cycle that started in February if (and this is a big IF) I get a BFP on this cycle.

So while this is highly unlikely to happen, it's not impossible. Right? I mean, right?


I've taken two pregnancy tests in the past four days and they've all been BFN.

I had a huge temp dip today.

I haven't had sex in 11 days(!).

It doesn't even look like I ovulated.

I have twenty six days before I write an angry letter to an Internet pyshic.

Cycle 5, Day 35