Six More Months of Ferility Friend

In five short days, I will be off to my first appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist and I not-so-secretly want him to tell me to stop charting.

I. Hate. Charting.

I mean, not only do I like to hit snooze for the first ten (okay twenty) minutes after I wake up, my friggen thermometer gags me every morning. I am a mouth breather (yes really!) and I can't breathe with that thing in my mouth for two whole minutes. And yes, I actually did buy a new thermometer that doesn't take a million years to finish but it's gone missing. I think one of the cats stole it. He's a klepto.

Then there's the whole problem of my chart just being so erratic and useless that according to my Ferility Enemy, I'm not ovulating and therefore just wasting my time by plotting all of my temps, symptoms, sex, etc. Who needs a reminder every morning (as soon as they wake up to face the day!) that they are messed up. No biphasic pattern for me!

And yes, I have read that mouth breathing may screw up my tempuratures. I thought about temping vaginally but haven't tried it yet. I really don't want to. As if not getting pregnant was annoying enough, now I have to poke myself in the vagina every morning? Not for me.

As much as I hate charting, when I got the notice that my Fertility Friend VIP membership was expiring in four days, I went ahead and bought six more months of VIP status. For a bunch of reasons, chief of which is even though FF is free, I wanted the VIP features. I'm an elitist snob.

To make matters worse, I was totally out of "Fun Money" and therefore had to charge it on my joint account. If DH calls me out of the $25 though I'm just going to kick him in the nuts. Trust me, charting is not fun!

Mark my words, if I'm not pregnant by September 13th I am breaking up with you, Fertility Friend.

The good news is, as of ten minutes ago, I learned how to take a screenshot with my iphone so that I could bring you my Chart of Fail in the upper left hand corner of this post.