One or Two Embryos: Part One

I have twenty more days on birth control, but who's counting?  I figure now is the last time I will have to figure out where I (or we!) stand on our decision to pursue single embryo transfer.  And I have a lot of work to do!

First, back up, let me explain.  DH and I decided a while back that if we had to do IVF we would pursue single embryo transfer.  I'm only 32 and have no known egg issues and infertility coverage with my insurance.  It seemed like the best course of action because 1) we wouldn't be losing out too much money if the first cycle didn't work; 2) from my research the success rates aren't all that much better transferring two as opposed to one; 3) I suffer from anxiety and am concerned about how I would react to new parenthood times two; 4) I know a twin pregnancy isn't high risk per se but I spend too much time on fertility blogs and web sites to not be aware of the risks to Mom and babies.

That's just four reasons.  There are actually a ton of arguments going back and forth in my head, including "well if it took this long for one, you may as well have two" and "at least it's only one pregnancy" and "at least they'll be out of diapers at the same time," etc.  I really don't want to be so cavalier about this issue especially since I am actually quite astonished at the number of women who don't consider single embryo transfer and those who actually wish for twins.

On some days I think having twins would be awesome.  We only want two children ideally so this would build out family all in nine short months.  No more TTCing ever would be such a relief.  But then I have premature mommy guilt about not having time to bond with each individual child throughout their milestones.  And I also worry about preemies and other health issues twins can face.

Other days I think transferring two embryos is just a stupid idea.  Oh to be the child born from IVF who finds out they could have just been a regular kid had their parent not roll the dice on them so to speak.  I am just so scared of my kids resenting me.  I actually had a friend who is a twin whose mother considered giving her up for adoption (just her, not her brother) so maybe that's coloring my opinion.

Anyway, it seems totally last minute and I'm pretty sure I stand by our single embryo transfer plan that I already met with the doctor to talk about but....I can't help but have doubts.  Are the success rates really not better?  How risky is a twin pregnancy?  I feel like I see twins everywhere nowadays.  How many twins hate being twins versus how many like it?
So look forward to some posts where I examine scientific, philosophical, and other opinions on deciding how many embryos to transfer in the coming days.  I have a lot to think about.