Cycle 9, Day 21

To update you on the state of my mental health since my care provider skipped town, I have an appointment with a REAL LIVE PSYCHIATRIST coming up.....but it's not until September 19th because that's the earliest they can fit me in.  So I will drive up to Urgent Care tonight after work and see if the doc on call will just write me a script for some Zoloft to tide me over until then.

Nothing is urgent right now but it's been three days since my last pill and I really don't want to push my luck.  And, yes, I acknowledge that it was totally irresponsible of me to let my prescription lapse without noticing but, hey man, cut me some slack.

On another note - and I know fellow mental health people will back me on this - I can't help thinking about weaning off the Zoloft.  It's been a couple of days.  I feel fine.  I am fantasizing about weight loss and not having an embarrassingly low tolerance for alcohol if I stop taking it.  And why take something that may potentially not be 100% safe for pregnancy if I don't need it?

But I know how foolish that is.

I worked SO hard to wean off additional meds I was on two years ago.  And over time I managed to get my Zoloft dose down to 50mg which is a lot less than I used to be on.  I tried to cut it out entirely.  I seriously did try.  But it wasn't the right course of action for me for MANY reasons.  I really don't want to go down that road again...especially not cold turkey and especially not on the cusp of an IVF cycle and potential pregnancy.

That's just crazy talk.  Charlie Brown kicking the football.  I know that just because I feel fine doesn't mean the anxiety won't come back.  The half life of Zoloft is something like two weeks so it is still in my system.

Anyway, that's what's going on there.  I'm looking forward to nice long weekend.  I have nothing special planned for a change.  Just relaxing and doing some reading.  Just finished Gone Girl - you must read this right now.  It's $13 which I almost never pay for an e-book but I couldn't even sleep it was so good.  Probably the most gripping novel I've read since The Lovely Bones which came out a decade ago.  And I read a ton of books.

Also my sister's kid is due any minute now.  Yay.  Boo.  All of the above.  If you told me back in February I would still be unpregnant by the time this kid showed up I would have punched you in the face.