I know that petty crap like this shouldn't bother me, but I am annoyed that it's been hard to find answers and support that I'm looking for on message boards. And in real life I guess but message board is where I've looked the most lately. The problem is there is this sort of weird competition between women seeking a healthy pregnancy that sometimes makes it hard for people to empathize with each other.
The first problem is, I haven't been trying to get pregnant for an entire year yet. It's only been about ten months. In the world of infertility forums this means I haven't struggled enough to be worthy of seeking treatments, no matter the fact that I am anovulatory and am dealing with male factor infertility. Just recently I have been called "impatient" by another poster for asking a question about IVF. I wanted to say, "hey listen, chick, I am nine years older than you and you've only been trying for five more months than me and, yet, you get to start the IVF process?"
But I didn't. Because I'm not trying to be petty. And I don't think women who are struggling with fertility problems should compare themselves to each other in the first place. Pursuing parenthood shouldn't be a race.
Yet, I'm a big fat hypocrite because when I heard the pregnancy announcements of two women today - one on a message board and one I know in real life - I admit I was comparing myself to them in envy. The message board poster who announced her pregnancy had been trying to get pregnant for nine months - so only one month less than me - but she also has a nine month old son. So, yeah, she has been trying for her second since presumably the minute her son was born. Is that even allowed? I don't know, but she has proudly proclaimed it for the past nine months we've been posting on the same message board.
The announcement from a friend in the real world came out of nowhere. It was a couple that I've known for years. They live in the same building as us and got married a few months after we did. They're a really nice couple but a few years younger than us. She's due in "the middle of December" which means she's only about six weeks now. I was frankly shocked at the news on Facebook this early. I hope everything works out but I can admit that I pretty much never want to see her again.
Bringing this back to the message board issue: I have infertility coverage through our insurance. I wish everyone did but other than supporting online petitions and writing my congressmen there's not much I can do to change this. I've been told that trying to structure my treatment schedule around my remaining coverage is insensitive to those that are pursuing treatment out of pocket.
Luckily I have found a few great bloggers through ICLW. If only you guys were hanging out on the same message board as me when I want to ask 10 questions a day. Do you post on message boards, readers, or have you encountered the same attitudes?